Stay home and get your cat high!

Remember when you were in 8th grade and lived in a one room apartment with your dad? And he was so clinically depressed that he couldn't address your binge eating so he padlocked the fridge and cabinets? Back then, you were like, reading Interview Magazine and planning your art exhibits and 30 years old was a million miles away. There was a road, Robert Frost, and it was like this:

DEAD or 30 YR OLD FAMOUS ARTIST.

Oh, Robert Frost was too fancy to address alleys. Apparently there aren't alleyways in New Hampshire. Whatever. There are in Toledo, Columbus, and Chicago, and they are were my life went, so that the road less travelled was the road toward sociopathic foster kids and nephews. They led to this: 29 and drunk and at home with your cat. She loves me so much.

I went for credit counseling and I make too little to qualify.

I cannot sell my eggs.

There is a 29 year old selling her virginity on Janemag.com. They are doing God's Work, people! 29 and a virgin!? She probably has a stammer, or an ass. In fact, I saw her on the Insider and she had a real "I collect dolls" vibe. Mostly because she kept weeping as the English guy with the tattooed neck gave her a corsage. The corsage was ironical, bitch! And English guy: call me. I don't weep (that openly) and I don't collect dolls. I collect scissors. Sooooooo sexy. Not creepy, not one bit.