Dude, Rob Brezney really is a crazy wizard. He told me to update my blog and so I'm doing it. And speaking of wizards, I made a wizard hat for a friend last night. Yesterday I took a mental health day, the irony of which is not lost on me, a person routinely called "Mental Health" over a crackly prison overhead system. Because it's my job, not because it's who I am. If I were called what I am all the time, then you would think my name was Ms. Funny Jokes Hot Ass.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a headache and sore throat but I powered through, I got dressed, had an outfit all worked up, and then was suddenly paralyzed with dread at the idea of going to my job. I took to my bed. It was very dramatic like I was in a Russian novel. I was able to move only after I had phone-typed an absence email to one of our adminstrators. After that I could breathe and I could walk. I walked through the hip neighborhood north of me, just walked and wandered, and sometimes felt at home and sometimes thought how the fuck does this place exist? How can there be a whole John Fluevog store when I haven't seen anyone in Fluevogs since 1997, and then it was only three people? How are there so many people in coffee shops? I called off work, but did everyone? Did everyone go to a meeting yesterday in which their co-workers cried at the lack of respect and waste of talent they witness everyday?

The other thing that happened was that I saw some party pictures on Facebook and my thoughts and values regressed to age 15, when it was obvious and a real fact that everyone on the face of the Earth was happier, more attractive, and having more fun than me. Combine this mindset with my growing Unicorn Consciousness and my own terrible lady body with her waves of estrogen and moon magic and I lost my ever loving mind, I mean I went crazy, all weeping and feelings and raising my mascara smeared fist to the sky.

I sewed my way out of it, thankfully. And now for emergent themes:

Books: I have to order the books from the book benefit for the kids. I have to put the poems from Poetry Circle together as a book and have a Book Release party. I have also signed up for a project with the Paper Crane to make a book and then fill that book from January until March, at which point it will be displayed, possibly printed.

Patience: we turn to Cary Tennis, who says:
"...being patient is...breathing with all the intensity of a lover. It's being as vibrant as a leaf. The leaf is attached to the tree. It's filling with the green blood of time. It's perfoming daily the miracle of photosynthesis...in the opening we make when we stop doing the compulsive, answers are scattered like acorns. We can stoop to pick them up. That is what we mean when we say, 'Be patient.' We mean focus on the few feet fecund earth around you. We mean take the gifts strewn about your feet."

I cleared out a lot of stuff in this last year and then expected the new world to rush in. It has crept in, it is moving in, but I wanted a rush, I wanted yet another Tremendous Adventure. I think that my adventuring is ended; I think I'm supposed to be like a leaf on a tree in Ukrainian Village. There is more than enough around me, that's for certain. Cousins having babies, jobs having crisis, old friends meeting new friends, new outfits all the time. It's nice, it's real lifey.