I have a job, now. I was fully collapsing under the weight of my own insecurities and debt and then job offers started rolling in. I chose one, I felt good about it, and today was my first day. It was the first boring day of my new Real Job.

I have been focusing on the Job part and not the actual work I will be doing. Today offered more things for me to freak out about--office dynamics, fluorescent lights, free, damaging, and tasty coffee--but I was reading case files and remembered why this work is fascinating and why I want to do it. If I can just pull my head out of my ass I will be able to do the work and enjoy the work and be a loving presence in the lives of my clients and co-workers. The thing of it is, I am a jackass, and all of this loving will take some finesse and grace and prayer.

The ladies at work--and this is social work, people, so it is all ladies--are really into shoes and a fair amount of banter. While they are dealing with the same troubled clientele they are much livelier and interactive than my last workplace. Since a part of me likes to be an outsider and the thorn in an agency's side, I wonder how all this camaraderie will work. And will I still like to dress sassy when everyone else does too?

I am tired, because as the last four months have shown, doing nothing is exhausting.